Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Sitting for tranquility

In the quest for inner peace, spacing out beneath a Bodhi tree beats tapping your head against the ground five times a day or squeezing inside a cold box to nervously tell a stranger how many times you glanced at the mannequins in the Victoria's Secret window.

Directions: Plant tree. Chill beneath it.

You are now a Buddhist.

Surely, the shady spot under a Bodhi allows you to reflect on and then reject the stress caused by passive-aggressive emails, parking tickets and the New York Mets, but unless you're Siddhartha, there remains much to desire.

Pros: Nirvana. As in freedom from suffering.

Awesome excuse to escape the responsibilities and pressures of the real, tangible world.

It's hip as hell -- See.

Cons: Nirvana. As in Kurt Cobain, a Buddhist who offers possibly the worst endorsement for a religion that promotes an end to internal torment.

Your God is considered a vapid fat guy by the majority of Westerners who also rub his smooth gut for luck when they eat at China Buffet. You may think he's this sleek, enlightened teacher with a hair bun, but, whatever, he's a rabbit's foot with manboobs.

'Om Mani Padme Hum' gets annoying after like 45 seconds.

Since more than 360 million people do the exact same thing, is the patch under a Bodhi tree any different from a chair?

Plenty of people dig that silent, enlightened type and will definitely be into your simple poetry. Then again, if you don't move to the Himalayas or renounce all worldly possessions, the rest will think you're a douch.

Still, Bodhi trees have cool-looking heart leaves.

Stability - 3/5 -- Firm and bare from hours of sitting.
Cool Factor - 2/5 -- Some people think so. You included.
Difficulty - 1/5 -- While probing the depths of your soul is hard, resting cross-legged in the shade is Sitting 101.
Perilousness - 1/5 -- Check for beehives.
Added bonus - 3/5 -- Sitting under a Bodhi tree pondering peace is a lot better than sitting around considering why what you believe is so superior to what they believe.

Overall rating - A placid 10/25.

1 comment:

  1. Haha I forgot you did this. Though I have to ask, who needs a Bodhi tree when you have 92.9 FM?